Ammi's infrequent mutterings

I think we're crazy

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:05:44 GMT

So it's Saturday. Thanks to the weather being horrific in the Lakes this weekend that means we're supposed to go for a bike ride today. Tomorrow is a "purple-coded" Sunday. This means that for various female reasons I am unable to do a long ride tomorrow. Despite the fact that the weather looks like it'll be stunning tomorrow.

So here I am, at 7am, having been up for half an hour, preparing to go for a 4-4.5 hour ride (possibly even longer - the wind looks like we'll get a horrific headwind for the last 30 miles - it's supposed to be gusting to 28mph). The rain is due to start at about 10.30am, and it should be torrential by about 11.30am - hence the absurd waking hour (in fact, I overslept and we should have been leaving in about 20 mins, but it looks more like we'll manage 7.45am if we're lucky).

I now have the unenviable task of shoehorning the other half out of bed and getting him into his cycling gear before he realises what's happened.

Edit (15.10) - Only one 10 minute hail squall (and arriving at the house just as the next one started). Our luck must be changing.

Ticking on by

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:28:00 GMT

Hmmm... been a while. Am I still alive? Absolutely. Goodness my hair was short a couple of years ago though - judging by my profile pic!

Life is going well. House is splendid, country life is more than adequate.

I spend my time in various ways but it usually includes something along the lines of being on a rock face (or on the man-made ones in the climbing centre), or sleeping out in the middle of nowhere without a tent (wild-camping rocks, especially in January), or walking enormous miles, or road cycling even more enormous miles (I generally kick out 60 miles or so on my weekend rides but should be hitting 100+ mile rides in a couple of months time), or hitting the irons (no, not golf. Weightlifting. Nobody ever told me it could be so much fun...), or covering some alternative miles through cross-country skiing, or trying to stop being terrified of going fast on a downhill ski slope, or wallowing in the depths whilst working on my freediving.

But then, of course, I'm still doing all the other stuff, like reading and jigsaws and embroidery and playing my violin in gigs when I'm asked, or singing in choirs when I'm needed. And of course we're also working on some folk music (whenever we aren't too distracted by everything in the previous paragraph). And giving tax advice continues to pay the bills.

I'm just starting a course in copy editing and proof-reading as well. Always something I wanted to do. Looking forward to it immensely.

Fractured my right elbow in February when I came off the bike, and damaged the other one at the same time. Of course, this left me armless for a few weeks until my left arm worked again (it's so frustrating having to be washed, dressed and fed after so many years of doing it myself), and most of the activities stopped for 2 months (pretty much everything in fact except for jigsaws - the greatest physio known to man) - totally and utterly irritated since it put a big dent in my winter training, and my climbing and weights in particular took a serious hit. But hey. These things happen.

So yes. Lots going on. Nothing of interest unless you're me or you're a cyclist, or mountaineer, or wild-camper, or you also like lifting weights, or living outdoors, or scrambling up rock faces. Or perhaps you like the quiet life and do the music, or the jigsaws...

I ought to try and keep this diary more up to date again since I've finally decided after so long to rejoin the digital era... I might be thankful one day of having my child-like ramblings to review. Everything has changed so much.

My name

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 08:27:18 GMT

Although the name Anna-Maria creates the urge to be both logical and technical, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the elimination and nervous system.

Your name of Anna-Maria has created the desire to focus on the details of your immediate interests to the extent that others consider you to be fussy.

You are attracted to, and could excel in, the mechanical or technical fields, such as computers.

Instead of establishing the system and order you would like, you are over-particular in some things that matter to you personally but lax and indulgent in other ways.

You place great importance on whatever you happen to be interested in, and can be quite thorough and detailed in what you are doing, but find it difficult to be consistent.

All change - I'm leaving London!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 22:08:43 GMT

I'm leaving London. It was all very quiet until I was certain and I wasn't certain until the 1st September and promptly went and sat in a tent for most of last week to recover from the shock that it had all happened.

I couldn't hand in my notice until I had passed my final exam and the results didn't come out until 1st September, however jobs were lined up by mid-July (well I had two Big 4 offers fighting over me) and I accepted one in the afternoon after I sat the exam at the end of July.

I am now a qualified Chartered Accountant (or I will be once they send the correct forms for completion).

I leave London next Friday (client that has been sitting on a report that needs completing permitting). The house is sold subject to contract (everyone, including the buyer, is ready to exchange contracts, but the buyer's solicitor is dreadful and isn't responding to my solicitor, the estate agent, or the buyer himself). The new job starts on 8th January.

I am moving to live just outside Nottingham and am going off to work for the Big 4 doing a pure advisory job. In the intervening 3 months I shall be walking (weather and health permitting):

Southern Upland Way (14 days)
Westmorland Heritage Walk (14 days)
West Highland Way (6 days - we're taking our time)

I shall also be skiing in Finland for a week, and also touring various heavenly bits of Scotland and doing several of their nicer rock climbing routes for 3.5 weeks.

Miraculously that fills up the 3 months completely.

So it's out with London and in with fresh country air. Superb!

Bruised and exhausted but entirely satisfied

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 09:15:19 GMT

The last week has seen me climb three peaks and cross a few glaciers. One of the peaks involved an evil Grade 3 scramble which was more of a mod climb, but since I was in my B2 boots it was a bit of an experience.

Spent a week in the Alps with Chris on a course since neither of us knew some of the important things for the Alps bit of stuff, such as crevass rescue and glacier travel (Scotland isn't exactly brimming with glaciers). Have now covered many many miles, done one of the harder Via Ferrattas (Level: Diff), reminded myself about rock climbing techniques (it's been a few months since I last went and I'm seriously rusty), done two overnight mountain hut stays (Cabine des Aiguilles Rouges 2810m and Cabine des Dix 2928m) each involving 4am or 5am starts, two snowy peaks (Le Pointe des Vouasson 3490m and La Luette 3548m) and scrambled the third in order to get to La Luette (only at about 3000m or a bit less). We were meant to do a long glacier walk over to Le Pigne d'Arolla, traverse it, and come back down to Arolla on a glacier on the other side for our last day (from Cabine des Dix), rather than climb La Luette, but the weather came in unexpectedly so we did La Luette and came back down the way we went up (with the exception of coming up the long ladder which is the Pas des Chevres rather than trying to scramble back over the rocky peak - since we abseilled down the last bit of it, doing that in reverse would have been hard work) which kept us out of the most dangerous terrain.

All in all it's been a good trip though. Kept up with the front of the group, improved my moraine travel speed and technique, my knees hardly played up at all, except for the times I twisted them slightly, and both Paul and Pelle (our guides) seem confident that I'll be fine doing one of the 4000ers next year (a 3600m peak and three peaks well over 4000m during a week). We're torn between Zammatt and Saars since both are PD (peu-difficile, only one step up from facile). Of course, I'll have sorted my knees out by then which were my main concern.

At least this week has put Chris' mind to rest about one thing. I can keep my speed up well on the flat but he didn't think I'd cope too well with a pack or in particular with a pack and steep hills together. I think he was concerned I wouldn't be able to cope carrying a pack for the Coast to Coast in October, but I think we've proven I'll carry a pack fine. At no point did I have to offload any gear to him this week.

Wish my knees weren't so bruised though...

Much awaited update

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 18:03:07 GMT

Well my email tells me that a few of you have been nudging me, so here I am. I have no idea when I last updated LJ, but since I just picked up many emails dating back several weeks that gives me a rough idea. This is the first time I've put the computer on in over 2 weeks, probably because I've only been home for about 3 nights in that at hours outside midnight - 6am.

Christmas was a bit weird, being the first one with my new neice and therefore held at my sister's with her in-laws there as well. A bit cramped, a bit crazy, and not at all the Christmas I'm used to. But an experience nonetheless. Especially since half the conversation was in French (her husband is half Belgian, his mother is a translator by profession, his sister lives in France, and her boyfriend who was present is French).

New Year found me in bed asleep by midnight - I was shattered. But then I was in the middle of a lovely 3 day impromptu holiday in Canterbury with a friend.

At work I am still in my busy period that started before November. I'll be glad once it is over. If it doesn't end soon I may have to book a week of holiday just to get away from them all. However, I have managed to take some control at work now. Unless there is a pressing need, I don't stay late and at most I only stay late one night a week. It helps that our new first years have finally started, though this does mean that my weekend is accompanied by a bag full of files and tax computations that require reviewing before Monday.

In case it isn't evident, I'm updating today because (and in fact I am only online because) I'm working from home this afternoon. I had to come home early to see my doctor so then had to boot up the computer and get down to work afterwards. It is far more productive working from home, but I do find that the type of job I have needs me to be working through papers with other people. The phone bill is going to hurt next month since I've just spent the last hour and a half on the phone to various people from the office and various clients. Much as I like getting home in daylight and before 5pm, I won't be making a habit of it therefore.

I'm getting into the habit of spending one night a week at my sister's. Last week I managed to time this with the second time my neice went swimming. Much fun was had and I do like spending time with them all. The commute into work is marginally faster too. In addition, I seem to be spending several nights at my parents at the moment, and weekends are often spent away staying with friends on the other side of Britain. A friend in Highgate has also taken pity on my commute and I spend various night's bunking there instead of Croydon when I know I need to do a really early morning at work (a physical impossibility from here due to the night buses) or a late night in the office. So all in all the only time I've been home since last Thursday night (when I had friends round for dinner) was Wednesday night, and since I went out with Mum that night first I still didn't get home until past 11pm.

Anyway. I have a pile of work to my left brought home to entertain me this evening (and over the weekend). And I have various things that must be done over the course of the weekend since next week is a socially stuffed one due to various birthday drinks activities with University friends and trips to my sister's and so on.

Due to various agreements with people please bear in mind that my weekends these days get booked up months in advance (a pain, but pleasurable for me since I have finally been given the opportunity to do something I've wanted to do for years and years, which is climbing and mountaineering) but hopefully I'll see some of you quite soon. I hope you are all well.

Announcement

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 11:35:24 GMT

You'll only get a Christmas card if you are very lucky this year - if your surname is near the start of the alphabet there is more chance you'll get a card since I may have already done it the other week when I got the first few done. Though those ones have not been posted yet.

Please take no offence. Christmas is just taking me by surprise this year.

Sorting life out

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 11:16:22 GMT

Got results last night right in the middle of the department Christmas party. Better than I expected and also quite infuriating. Came out something like:

TATC 1 (BE): Pass (predicted resit probability = 94%)
TATC 2 (BLC): Fail (predicted resit probability = 85%)
Case study: Pass (predicted resit probability = 90%)

So the one I thought there was marginally less chance I'd have to resit is the one I failed. Infuriatingly I failed it by 1 mark. 49 was the mark. 50 was the pass mark. How silly. However I'm in good company since 3 of us at least failed that one. And I'm actually just exstatically happy since the two courses I loathed most are the ones I have passed. And the one I enjoyed the subject matter of most and which was just hard to get enough down for me (since my wrist was giving out by then) is the one I have to resit. So it's annoying but I really don't mind at all and think I'll actually quite enjoy resitting it. I must have done amazingly well on some of the BE questions though, since having seen the Insitute debrief of the paper, there was an entire question I appear to have answered incorrectly.

Getting results has taken some of the pressure off Christmas now, since I was starting to get jumpy about them. I'd expected to fail all three, but there is always a niggling bit of you that thinks "I have no idea what I'll do if I have to sit all of them again".

Things at work are sorting themselves out too. I had a meeting with a manager on Monday about my general workload, manager attitudes, problems I was having, and general miscellaneous stuff. Wednesday saw me having my mentor meeting with a Director at which we talked about my specialisms, what I don't like, the fact that I keep being told that I may not delegate my work to the juniors (which is wrong on every point), my workload, and various other matters. Rajesh, bless him, has done various things already, and Sheridan gave me a lot of advice on dealing with the managers in the short term. She's also keeping an eye on me, as much as can be done. I don't think there is a single person in the department now who hasn't worked one 50 hour week at least, I think every female (or almost every female) has been spotted at some time rushing to the loo in tears from the pressure or because someone has said the wrong thing and several men have broken down (though the type of men we have in the department means that instead when it gets stressful they just become unbearable making truly unneccessary Catty Comments at others). Fortunately we've got new staff starting in the New Year so that we can stop doing 3 people's jobs each. That will be a blessing.

I had a bit of a social life this week too since Sunday I went to the National Gallery and to see Narnia with a friend, Monday I left work on time to get all the shopping done, Tuesday I went to see Mary Stuart with some of the girls (which was marvellous and a very moving performance), Thursday I went for a drink (which became dinner out since as party night of the year no pub would serve us food) with Chris, and Friday saw me having the department Christmas party in some dodgy Cuban place and then The Railway Tavern. Not the best Christmas party this year due to last minute plan changes but good to get to know John better since he's new and I sit opposite him every day and I saw Chris (a different one) almost home thankfully. I suspect he'd have missed his stop otherwise. The only bad day was Wednesday when I worked to 11.30pm in the end thanks to a really stupid Revenue enquiry that we've had in, but to make up for it I purposefully slept in on Thursday and didn't get to work until 10am.

Today will see me go to the Degas exhibition with Adam then on to Chris (yet another one) and Dan's party in Ealing and then on to James and Marie's party in Tooting. Tomorrow will see me go to Cambridge for Mark and Ele's Christmas party.

Chloe is better, Rachel is mending well, and family in general are writing off Christmas this year. We're having a quiet one since none of us has yet had a chance to properly think about Christmas, none of us have done the cards, I did all my Christmas shopping in Victoria station earlier this week and I'm thus considered the most organised of all of us now, and we're all spending the holiday driving up and down between Salisbury and London - several times. And Dad might get treated in the New Year. At last.

I should go and write a bereavment letter to the Darragh's now. Patrick died last week or the week before and I've been putting it off. I hate writing bereavement letters but I was brought up properly and part of that includes writing such things if I knew the person who died. I'm sorry I didn't get over there before he died, but especially for the last few months they haven't wanted even close friends around.

Yes, life is hard. But there are others who won't have a home this Christmas. Those who don't have family who they can be with. Those who don't have people they love. Those who have no hope. I've got so much to be thankful for.

Impromptu visits

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 19:10:33 GMT

So, whilst sitting in my office at my desk at 10pm on Friday night, having left the house at sometime not long after 6am that day to go to work and including a trip to a client in Bicester into the day, I was feeling decidedly dreadful. I'd done another 50 hour week (at least) with no overtime or time off in lieu, another week when at least one manager had made a cutting remark the one day I tried to leave at 5pm having been there since 8am without a lunch break (he had, unsurprisingly, turfed up at his frighteningly-regular-now time of 9.45am), and since we'd had the work Christmas party on Wednesday so that I know I only did 7 hours that day, I'm frightened to think how many hours I did on some of the other days.

So then I realise that I'd told Gareth I probably couldn't make his 30th birthday party because I would have to be in London in case the niecphew decided to arrive whilst brother-in-law and mother were away. But of course, the niece has arrived now, so I was free to go. So I decide, spur of the moment that I will go to the party. I phone the lovely Verity (as Gareth is out) to check I've still got the right day, Verity decides that she won't tell Gareth I'm coming, then I decide to phone Dave and Ali, since I'm up that way and missed their housewarming, so I'll go and see them on the Sunday if they are in. Miraculously they will be. So then I fix the final date by calling up Mark and Ele and finding out if they want to meet for a coffee/some other hot drink on my way through town.

So just like that everything is planned. Only problem, it's now past 10pm and I'm -still- at my desk. Then Vicky calls me - so I utilise work's phone line to have a good chat to her before wandering back to London Bridge station. I don't like to think what time I got in. Midnight? Maybe a bit before midnight? I would have caught a taxi from the station but the queue was stupidly long and by then I was so tired that I didn't even notice the walk home from the bus stop.

Woke Saturday morning at 9am to a sensation of having been hit by a full speed train, so I stayed in bed and read my way through most of a truly trashy girlie novel. Before extracting myself from my bed at about 1.30pm. By which time I still felt like I'd certainly been run over by a double decker bus (marginally better). After an exhausted weep on the phone, I managed to get myself out of the house, wondering why I was doing it all and why I didn't just stay in bed. But by degrees I felt a bit better. By the time I got to Victoria I felt a little human and by the time I reached Cambridge I felt practically normal. Hot chocolate was delicious, with lashings of cream and good chat (if there are two people I find it easy to spend time with, it's Mark and Ele); the walk to Gareth's was delightfully reminiscent; and Gareth's party was a blast (I haven't laughed that much - or been that ridiculously stupid either - in what seems like a very long time - and as for the game Werewolves, I shall certainly be inflicting that on numerous guests after this).

I felt marginally better after a night of relaxed sleep on their sofa (it was shockingly comfortable), did my best to fix Gareth's back, and headed out to cross north Cambridge to catch a Waterbeach bus. Since this route took me almost directly past Oli and Tish's door I did a very cruel thing. I rang Oli, asked if I could just check the number of his house and then said "Oh good, I'm right outside your front door now". Poor man was just getting up, but it was good to see him, and I hadn't wanted to say anything in case I was running late for the bus and didn't have time to stop in. Successfully caught the bus (after reaching Milton Road and realising that I had no idea where on the road to find a bus stop, and therefore running crazily until I found one just in time). Got off the bus in the wrong place, but hey-ho, I wasn't far off.

Dave and Ali's place is large and wonderful. And it was great to see them again. I'm not sure, but I have a dreadful feeling I haven't seen them since last boxing day walk - it wouldn't surprise me. And it was good to see them since they won't be about for the walk this year.

However, I'm not convinced that sitting out on the train platform for 45 mins waiting for the train afterwards was a great thing. Or having to wait for a bus at this end. I'm sneezing a lot now. I suspect another cold is trying to start. It wouldn't surprise me. Due to various indicators that have reappeared I think my immune system is packing up again which means that I'm yet again going to have a winter where I'm at risk of catching every disease that is harboured in London - unsurprising if I insist on putting it through the rigours of London living and commuting and the stress of the current job all together. At some point I'll have to stop burning the candle at both ends and, when time is lacking, lopping the candle in half and burning both sides of the middle as well. But I guess I'll never learn.

I think I'll do the Christmas Cards now. That should help with life - though goodness knows what I'll do for the comedy Christmas letter this year. Perhaps a cartoon of Droopy the Dog and a caption like "Anna-Maria knew it was going to be a tough year, but she didn't realise how bad she'd look by the end of it". Then again - perhaps I'll just go to bed.

Auntie Anna

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 20:10:01 GMT

My niece, Chloe May, was born at 2.33pm yesterday afternoon at Queen Elizabeth Hostpital. Vital stats are 7lb 8oz (3.414kg) and 20 inches long (51cm). Pretty long and fortunately lighter than predicted.

Some complcations of severe breach birth and no fluids at all meant that they had to do an emergency caesarean 10 days early but she's lovely and healthy and my sister is looking better now than she was yesterday (especially since she can now sit up a bit).

And now I'm in work. Due to all the worries with my sister, Friday was fairly unproductive in the office whilst I got frequent update phonecalls from my parents, and I then went straight over to my sister's house to help do housework/cook/clean/care for the dog. Saw Rache briefly last night with Grandma and Grandpa (to be edited if they ever actually decide what the want to be called), and then for longer this afternoon with Grand-mere/Nunu (?) (or 'M' as she'd like to be - she is Belgian, hence the French title) having spent the morning helping my brother-in-law with the housework/laundry.

So I haven't been home since Thursday sometime, and I've been in work now since 5pm. Hopefully, I should be able to finish up in about an hour, but I was desperate for a short break and realised that as a memorable event I should probably put something in my diary.

I'm miserable that work have denied us permission to have microwaves in the new office since I've got steak pie slices in my bag.

Life is good

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 23:07:53 GMT

I couldn't be bothered to make the necessary phonecalls to people after the first phonecall to my sister and after digging through Karate paperwork and leaving a message on the lady's answerphone to check sessions still happen on Monday (and to tell her that I thought perhaps I would make next week, not tomorrow, the first day since I was likely to stay significantly overtime at work tomorrow).

So I've done the filing that built up over the last 4 weeks whilst I was studying (including opening post that must have arrived on bad days when I only got in from college after 10pm and therefore got ignored or which I forgot to open). I've failed to clean the bathroom, but I can do that tomorrow when I eventually make it home from college. Potentially however, I should not have been drinking port whilst doing the filing. I feel marginally tipsy now which is a bad thing. Though I like this feeling. It's that phase when I'm just starting to feel tipsy and vision just takes a moment to catch up with me.

Jobs for tomorrow after work - phone 3 people minimum, clean the bathroom, and start the Christmas Cards. They'll take me at least 2 weeks to do and I've promised to go and see my sister on Tuesday night. Hurrah! Mum told me that baby has put on lots of weight and size since I last saw her 4 weeks ago. Rachel tells me that she's just uncomfortable and wants her body back now. Poor girl. Nisa and I were discussing this. The whole giving birth thing. In particular we were discussing being cut down to make the space larger for the baby to come out (and thus prevent the sort of ragged ripping that Mum suffered with me and which is difficult to sew up again) and the fact that such things as anaesthetic aren't used for this - all stemming from operations that Nisa and Kathryn have had (relatively recently) where anaesthetic hasn't been used due to the emergency situation or the nature of the operations. We were of mixed idea as to whether we wanted to go through the whole giving birth thing or not. If I were Rachel I would be petrified at this point in time. Especially since I am so small. But Rachel went through the paranoia when she was about one month pregnant so I think she's got used to the fear of the pain now.

So, the post-exam period:

Milan: Lovely, but I wouldn't want to go there for too long at any one time and if I went again I would specifically go there to shop with a brief detour for a sight. It probably didn't help that temperatures were at about 10 degrees or lower depending on the time of day. Nisa talks nineteen-to-the-dozen and I do too, so as can be understood neither of us stopped talking for the entire 2.5 days. My throat was definitely sore today. I think the only time either of us stopped talking was when we'd be lying next to each other in the dark, gossiping, when someone would pass out asleep mid-sentence. That was generally the sign that conversation had stopped for the day, but also generally meant that we only slept from about 1am to 8am. All in all I suppose that is a decent amount of sleep, but I ought to start getting a bit more sleep for a while if I am going to eliminate the recent nightmares.

Thursday night once we arrived was spent slowly learning the beginnings of Italian in a fantastic little restaurant/cafe we found off the beaten track where the wonderful barman/waiter we had (we found out the next night his name was Christian by asking him in Italian) was very long-suffering considering he spoke very little English. By the end of our first evening there we had done our best to start learning some Italian and he seemed to appreciate that. We then set out at 9pm to wander about and get our bearings, checking out sights by floodlight and decide what we wanted to go back and see the next day. The Castello is superb from the outside (no idea if it is good inside, we never went in) and the Duomo looks impressive, if a bit squashed, in night lighting. Probably because it is made in marble. Also took a good look at a photos exhibition set out along a road and id significant window shopping before getting back to our room at about 11pm or a bit after.

Friday we set out and saw two Basillicas that were recommended (Saint Ambroggio - with associated mummified skeleton of the Saint, and San Lorenzo - with lots of columns). We then headed on to the Museum of National Science (via a coffee shop where I hastily had to learn for Nisa the art of asking for the ingredients of various items and checking whether there was anything she couldn't eat in anything, in Italian - and via a half pot of Cammomile tea each). This was the only intended museum and purely because I had an obsession to see the miniature models of Da Vinci inventions, because previously I've only read about them and it's hard to lift some of the ideas off the page and into a 3D idea. This gave us a chance to also investigate Horology, Musical Instruments (a common passion), and Astronomy. That completed (and a wander round the cloisters), we realised we were ahead of schedule. A brief stop in a patisserie (what is it in Italian?) to practise the newly acquired Italian still further to buy some mini fruit tarts, before heading over to the Duomo.

The Duomo is a strange beast. It is purely a status symbol designed to impress rather than being designed for the purpose of glorifying God. It has 135 spires, 2244 statues of saints, and a statue of Napoleon. We found time to climb the roof spaces. These were strange. The roof was obviously built to be a sort of pleasure-ground-in-the-sky. The whole thing is carved in marble - no slate or felt or tile, just marble, even on the sloped surfaces. There are small courtyards carved on the roof with a statue in the centre, others with nothing in them, vistas of doorways carved into the marble, with tableux above each doorway, staircases carved into the marble up to other levels of the roof with accompanying bannisters. A strange experience but beautiful. The evening was then spent (after our second dinner in the same place) walking the streets round the canals, where nightlife was supposed to be the best. We found little or no nightlife - I think it is safe to say that if nightlife is what you are after Milan isn't the best place to go.

Saturday morning was spent doing shopping - souvenir shopping (in a place where there are no souvenirs), walking down a road with purely designer label clothing shops (buy a scarf for £500, or perhaps £1,000 for a shirt?), buying a new winter coat for me, spending a disproportionate time in a pyjama shop, and wishing we had more money. Then making a last use of our Italian to buy bus tickets back to the airport.

Moments of humour for Nisa included me insisting on covering my head with a scarf when entering the Duomo and Basillicas. I'm not sure if this is a habit from previous trips to Catholic countries or from spending a month in Georgia where all women cover their heads as they enter -if not already covered. Humourous moments for me - noticing we hadn't stopped talking for the whole weekend and being utterly embarrassed when Nisa tried to communicate to Christian (in the bar) that she wanted a photo of us, and then a photo of us at the bar and then a photo of us with him (he didn't ever get the third one and I was cringing too much by this point).

Today was super. Well the morning was partially a write off. I overslept then lay in bed listening to the rememberance day service before realising that I had very little time to get up. Amazingly it took me only 30 mins to get to the station so I didn't miss the train, then Chris was already at Charing Cross to meet me. I think it became more of a tourist trip through the parks - seems I'm not the only one who misses the countryside and fresh air. We walked through St James', Green Park, Hyde Park and the went over to the British Museum to look at a few fairly random things - Americas, British History etc. Was nice getting out, spending time with someone different (especially after 2.5 days solid talking to one person) etc. Was nice to talk to Chris outside the medium of email as well - and outside work.

Chris works in Corporate Finance and grew up living opposite Becca from University, and went to Durham. It's all quite confused but we've both got the same issues with S&W, so it's nice to talk with someone of a similar mind with the same problems.

Anyway, I should get to sleep if I am going to be fit for work tomorrow. That's going to be a strange experience if anything is.

I've relaxed now - humour

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 21:01:02 GMT

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

...and out the other side... sort of.

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 01:04:48 GMT

Well. Exams are over. I'm going back to the office on Monday morning for a full-time stint. Having only worked there for 3.5 weeks since the start of July or something pretty close to that, I'm not sure how I'll take to it.

Exams went something like this:

Monday 12pm-3.30pm Business Environment: Utter shite. I have never lost my head and panicked in an exam before. I hit Panic at about 1.15pm which meant I lost it for most of the rest of the exam. Resit probability = 94%

Tuesday 9.30am - 1pm Business Life Cycle: Good structured and fair paper - bizarre lack of Insolvency unless they really think that a pile of Termination Payment work is sufficient for that. They even managed to get an Agriculture question in though for the first time since they put IAS41 on the syllabus ("Dear Mr Accountant, How will the following of my business assets affect my income statement for this year: Dairy cattle, Hen used for meat and eggs, Barn, Dairy outbuildings and associated equipment, Pasture Land, Fruit Orchard. Many thanks, Farmer Giles"). However, I think I mis-stated various things and I messed up the timing giving me only 30 mins instead of 50 mins to attack the last question. Resit probability = 85%

Wednesday 9.30am-1.30pm Advanced Case Study: A ROCK paper (Rock being a term for hard, not good). Utter hideous drivel. I've never written an Executive summary so short or failed to come up with so few Operational analysis issues where they were required. Although there was potential for a water pollution scenario, a Takeover was more expected and interims were considered possible. What it actually was was a review of Interims and share price forecasts in light of severe pollution, with thoughts on potential takeover target as a result of this. All from a PR, media, accountancy angle. The more I think of it, the less I feel that I actually addressed the requirement as requested. Resit probability = 90%

Basically, if I'm not resitting anything in July then I'm treating myself to a night out at a show in top price tickets. I'm certain there's at least one resit expected and very possibly 3. So I'm just not thinking about it. Resits aren't until July, and results aren't until 16 December. Apparently if I pass all three together I get a 150ukp bonus. The generosity after the 4.5 months I just put myself through is astounding.

Post exam activity:
2pm First pint of Ale in 3 weeks - strength 4.8% - and a plate of sausage and mash
3pm-5pm Further consumption of 4.8% ale, and navy rum with coke
5pm Head to office to use their printer
6.30pm Light supper and coffee before Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake (amazing) and post show talk with members of the show
11.45pm arrival home and commencement of packing
Thursday 9am - Leave home to go to Milan for 2.5 days
Sunday - Coffee and sightseeing out in London with friend.

Looking forward to Milan. Never been there, but it has various things I'd like to see, and what with revising and my first holiday this summer being cancelled by work and replaced with a secondment in Bristol, I didn't get any holiday abroad this summer. Bizarrely I just realised that with the exception of Corrogant, which I go to with an old Salisbury Youth Group, Sarum C2K, and a few choir tours (memorably New York, Belgium, and The Netherlands), and a holiday in Germany with David when I was 18, I've never been on a holiday abroad without my parents. Mostly because I love going on holiday with them. We all have the same interests and attitudes, and we get on well when we're away.

Swan Lake was amazing. Through use of contemporary dance the emotions are more raw, and the story is twisted in a completely new way. Far more preferable. Although according to the dancers who came out for post-show talk, tonight was, in their opinion, one of the most emotionally charged performances they've done recently. It certainly felt like it.

As to what I've missed through being non-communicating: I understand that Whitby has been and gone whilst I've been out of contact studying and I have very little, if any idea what anyone has been up to. I was going to ring a few people but it just didn't happen. I may try to catch up with a few people after Milan. I know that I really want or need to talk to/see the following people, mostly because I promised I would contact them post exams:

Elspeth (trip to Edinburgh for St Andrews Day?) Sunday pm
Rachel (can't believe I've been lax enough to not see my own sister for 3 weeks when she's expecting niecphew in about 3 weeks)Sunday pm
~~Kev (promised I'd ring once exams are over)~~
~~Suzi (think I said I'd get in touch once I was done and free again)~~
~~David (the trip to Cambridge is long overdue and it's his birthday on the 19th Nov)~~
Emily (phonecall Sunday or Monday night as promised - girls night to follow)answerphone
Mark and Ele (organise something - perhaps stop in to see them before Christmas up in Cambridge if there's time? Don't disturb before end of first week of December when Ele's exams are though)
~~Carol (dinner at mine has been promised and I must sort it out)~~
~~Becca (promised I'd call once exams were over - and sort out Mary Stuart)~~
Jess Thompson (daughter - promised her coffee now she's moved down)
Jess W (need to chase re Lord of The Dance) answerphone
Ed - Shox (said I'd catch up after exams)
Julian and Ellen (need to organise dinner for the tiny bit of hols after Christmas)
David Pipe (ditto)
~~Vicky (find out how she's getting on now - though beware her exams go on for another week or two)~~
Leonie (sort out first cello lesson potentially - certainly organise the promised coffee)
Liz D (must have the coffee having randomly bumped into her back in July and then obviously not had a chance to get in touch properly since)
Karate woman (is first class Monday?) ~~Sunday am~~Answerphone but class card gives no date except November
~~Penny (sort out next singing lesson - always assuming I can still sing after a self-imposed 2 month ban)~~
Hilary (get details of the orchestra I was going to sign up for - or at least the quartet/trio, having promised I'd do this in November)
Hua (promised you'd phone him after they were done) answerphone
Nagina (new job should now have started and she's definitely back from her holiday with Naim wherever it was)
Katie C (as promised back at choir reunion in June/July)
~~Gareth (I did say I'd ring once they were over and I was free again)~~
Catherine B (you missed her birthday on the 8th due to exams - get on the phone asap)
~~Dan and Lou (baby is due at the end of November - you said you'd phone once exams were done, if anything to remind Dan to call you once it arrives)~~
KT and Deano (you never did ring at 5pm on their wedding day to "be there in a virtual kind of way" briefly - or after their honeymoon)
Oli and Tish (promised catch up)
Alyzande (find out how things are going)
Tarah (want to find out how they all are over there - rather than second hand through Dave)
Oliver (assuming he still exists)
~~James P (Ex-S&W - got in touch just as hell broke loose - promised you'd go for coffee after they were done)~~
~~Adam (sort out Degas exhibition)~~
~~Lucy (you said you'd write even if you didn't phone. And you need to go down there)~~
Cathy and Ben (various things need doing including finding out if one of them is free to play organ at Lucy & Martin's wedding)
~~Vivian (it's been 11 months and you need to organise the annual Edinburgh)~~
~~Mum and Dad (post-Milan)~~

Dinner promised to the following: {Chris, Simon, Rich, Amy, Phil}, {Julian, Ellen, David, Ed, Sarah}, {Rachel, Charles, Adrian, Gina, Chris, Mark}, ~~{Emily, Carol 24th Nov}~~, {Nisa, Hua}, {Sarah, James and partners}, {Nagina, Christina and partners}, {every person who was in Downing choir when I was in it - I must be crazy}, Leonie, Leona, Simon, Catherine (or is it their turn?), Rik (or at least lunch)

Other plans promised/required: Girls night out as per last year's Advanced Stage results day in small pub at the centre of town; Zhewei and others - drinks out; Girl's night in (with associated ice-cream and films like we used to do until a couple of years back); trip to Salisbury; trip to Worcester; trip to Leicester; trip to Cambridge; trip to Edinburgh; Bowling in Canada Water; ~~coffee/drink/something with FluffyDave providing more than 1 hour's notice!;~~ Meet up with Rik in Camden; Degas exhibition with Adam; Mary Stuart with Becca, Vicky, Kat and now Gina in discussion; master Bluegrass on the violin before Dave moves to London, trip to Knaresborough once Rower Dave is back from Tokyo in December, buy in the promised Whiskey; coffees with various people (see phone/email list above); Completion of Christmas Cards; visit Lucy and Martin 21st/22nd January - phone Lucy in New Year to remind.

Studying hard - not online

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 21:32:09 GMT

Exams soon. Overworking. Only put the computer on to check work email as today is my one day when I get to study from home in several weeks. Afraid I've no idea what is going on in the world unless it relates to water companies in current affairs - since that's what one of my exams is based on. And especially have no idea what you are all up to. I'll need filling in when I'm back.

But I needed to tell you all:

If you appreciate any of: stories/drama/theatre/radio plays then listen to the friday play on Radio 4.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio4_aod.shtml?radio4/fridayplay

It made me cry. It's very moving and wonderfully acted.

Will especially be appreciated by dryad_wombat I think - Sara.

Can't remember how to do links, so hope that works.

And if you are a fan of childish humour, kids films, good clean comedy, stories about magic etc then go and see Nanny McPhee at the cinema. Last Sunday was a bad day so I had an impromptu 2 hour break from the work in the evening and laughed enough to clear all the blues away.

I'll come online once exams finish in mid-November.

Hope you're all well. I'm trying to text the odd person when I get a chance, but phone calls are now ceasing until exams are over and if you need to get me I'm still only on landline (I pick up messages in the few hours I'm home and awake each day) and mobile texts, since I've not got time to check emails.

Take care. All of you.

Ammi xx

Enroute to my bed

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 23:34:53 GMT

Having just fired up the computer to do some S&W work at midnight (only quick stuff I'd temporarily forgotten and needed to note before I forgot again), I would like to correct my earlier statement.

I LOVE studying.

There is nothing more satisfying than ploughing through a bank of questions. Except possibly ploughing through a bank of examples on Underlying tax (ULT), withholding tax (WHT), eligible unrelieved foreign tax (EUFT) and allocation of said EUFT which is even more satisfying. Then again, that is beaten by picking up a three-period liquidation company yesterday at 4.30pm and churning out all the paperwork for it by 6.30pm, letters, returns, comps and all. Including persuading my insolvency manager that we should be applying one of the bits of legislation and thus saving an extra £59. Doesn't sound much but it is in a small liquidation. Insolvency tax is my first love.

I really should find a cure for this tax loving that I have.

No cure needed for the love of plum and apple crumble I made at dinner time though, and enough left for 5 more helpings...

Rather annoyed that I didn't realise the time until well after 5.30pm though, when I was meant to phone KT and Deano to congratulate them on their wedding that was today and which I had to miss (due to the whole studying thing). Mentally I wished them all the best at about 8pm and sent them all my love. I'll phone them after the honeymoon.

Life is good. Give me more tax puzzles! If I keep question ploughing at this rate I might even be allowed to have two hours off tomorrow evening to go to Susannah's 30th birthday party too. Let's try going to bed first shall we?

I exist

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 11:33:58 GMT

I love studying. I hate studying for exams though. Tedious and too much pressure right now.

Am likely to fail first set of mocks on Monday due to issues of friends in intensive care, evenings spent at doctors, nights spent not being given the holiday I requested to study, and being unwell - my turn, since everyone else in the family has had a shot at it. Nothing to worry about though.

It's not the end of the world in any way as there are still several months of studying and mocks to get through. But today and tomorrow are solid study with no break. Question practice is the key to TATCs. My training manager is aware that I'm likely to fail first set of mocks and merely asks I do my best. Very good of her. As question practice is the key, this is why I have little hope of passing. Question practice takes time.

As you may have noticed am not online much. Ever. Outlook had the decency to tell me today when it collected my emails that 12 of my emails had been deleted because it had been so long since I picked them up last. So don't bother emailing anything highly important, obviously.

I'll see you all in November. When I am not at college I am largely keeping out of London as well, as that is the best way to study.

Hope I'm not missing too much. I'll be back, eventually, I'm sure.

Quotes of the day

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 20:28:11 GMT

The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.
George Bernard Shaw, quote in The Daily Telegraph

Human memory is short: originality is unnecessary.
Susannah Herbert in The Sunday Telegraph

Raindrops keep falling on my head...

Weather out is cold and wet, weather in in cold and dry - I need a jumper now. Nick and Em's wedding was lovely. Really nice. I was late thanks to the V Festival which I'd never heard of until about 5 mins before I set off leaving myself 2.5 hours to do a 1.5 hour journey. Unfortunately the wedding was about 10 miles from the V Festival and due to a wrong turning taken by me and furthr investigated by Rob, Rob and I (who had suddenly found ourselves in next-door cars at the Dartford Tunnel and will in future coordinate ourselves since I'd forgotten he lives down in my sort of a direction) got ourselves stuck in the road that was the lead up to the festival car parks. Although since that only added 10 mins onto our journey we would still have been late for the wedding since we got there 15 mins late.

Hotel mucked up my room booking, or rather, the Swedish couple staying in my room either side of that night didn't seem to realise that they couldn't leave their stuff in the room for the in-between night and walk off with the key. However, I'd been toying with the idea that it made more sense to go home in the middle of the night and avoid the festival traffic so it all worked out well in the end. Took exactly 1.5 hours to get home as well. Bah!

Kathryn has not only been discharged from Kings hospital but they've sent her home and not even to Salisbury District hospital which makes me really happy. Her boyfriend Matt and indeed the hole family all sounded very relieved when I spoke to them all on the phone during the course of Sunday. I will visit her once I'm in Salisbury for the Bank holiday next weekend.

Due to not visiting Kathryn in hospital on Sunday I decided that I would have to start studying properly now rather than the haphazard bits I've squished in so far, especially since I will now get home from work rather than getting in at past 9pm after the hospital detour, so I got stuck in. I'm now currently floating on a sea of incorporation tax relief, shortly to be joined by gift relief and the close company rules. I love tax. Is that a sad thing to admit to?

Client visit got wrapped up today, four days early so went back to the office. They all looked at me very oddly, maybe because I've not been there for over 6 weeks now. I should therefore have nearly 2 weeks to catch up with client housework rather than the 4 day week I originally expected.

Masterclass went really really well. Stephen Richards (I think that's his name?) was superb, it was all very educating, was lovely to spend a day with people who have the same interests as me, and he was busy telling me that I should join an early music group. He muttered something about the Tallis Scholars - possibly not since they are truly the Elite of Early Music, but I'll have a think - time I joined that choir Mark sent details of. Unfortunately revision calls first and foremost.

As far as getting somewhere on my to-do list from last time I posted here:

1. I have informed various managers at work that I won't be working significant overtime until mid-November and they all agree - I shall wait and see for the success rates on that, however 8am-5.30pm should give them plenty of work for a supposed 7 hour day.
2.Masterclass and wedding now done - Uni friends all advised that I won't be going out much if at all now until November except for Bella's birthday bash, if one ever gets organised, in October sometime.
3. Date currently on hold.
4. Drink with J postponed indefinitely as currently on opposite sides of London as client visit ended early and need minimal distraction from revision at this stage.
5. Harrasser cunningly got rid of after emergency council with Emily on the phone. I had forgotten that she is director of an acting group - she has offered loan of one of her hulking actors who looks really scary if harrasser re-appears. Sister offered services of brother-in-law to play part of partner. Decided not to point out the obvious difficulties I would have with this.
6. Girls night in with Emily and Nisa organised for Thursday night to cheer up Nisa and for Em and I to have our usual raucous and nutty rants and wibbles. I hope Em and Nisa get on well. They're certainly both nutty enough to get on well.

Welcome back to London

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 22:06:41 GMT

Bristol was heavenly. I may not stay in London much more than I have to. The pace of life is better, the people aren't all back-stabbing, life is generally just more pleasant.

On the negative side, I'd have to take a 50% or more pay-cut which doesn't work anyway towards my ultimate plan, so I may have to delay getting out of London for a couple of extra years. Hmmm houses. That's where life leads really for me isn't it? Houses and trust funds - and inheritances.

Left for Bristol for two weeks just over a fortnight ago, found out on arrival at Parents in Salisbury that one of my closest friends who lives down there was sedated in intensive care in London - but then there's not much I could do to help whilst she's sedated anyway. Drove over to Bristol, settled into Jury's Inn which was heavenly and had the nicest set of assistant general managers I know, started work the next morning. Was a total novelty. Instead of getting up at 6am, I got up at about 7.10-7.30am dependent on how much of a rush I wanted to avoid. Instead of gulping down breakfast in 5 minutes I went down to the restaurant and had cereal with yoghurt and a cooked breakfast with the most divine sausages every day. Instead of leaving for work at just before 7am every day I left at about 8.30-8.40am dependent on how fast I wanted to walk. Instead of walking for ten minutes, waiting for a bus, taking bus for 15 minutes, train for 18 minutes, tube for 10 minutes and walking another 5 minutes, I walked 20 minutes uphill only. Instead of starting work at 8am and finishing when exhaustion killed me at anywhere between 6pm and 9pm with no lunch break I worked strictly 9am-5.15pm sometimes doing a half hour afterwards on my London clients to make sure everything ran smoothly in my absence, and took a regular lunchtime of 12.45-1.45pm (a set lunchtime in the office - it's then or never). Instead of crawling into my house at 9pm or later and throwing something resembling food together before collapsing in bed each night I wandered down the hill, eating out at a restaurant on the way back to the hotel, went out with work colleagues four times, was given a lift to Clifton Suspension Bridge and wandered round there once, and took myself to Batman Begins at the Imax one night.

For two weeks I didn't cook, clean, wash, wash-up or anything else. I merely existed, packed, unpacked, drove, and did 7.25 hours of close company tax work each day. I knew I'd needed a holiday but that was better than anything I would have ever afforded for myself.

The middle weekend was hectic. I drove from Bristol to Cambridge on Saturday to go to Alyzande's Celtic Handfasting which was superb, educational, and at which I had a really lovely time. Enroute to there realised the route I had chosen to ensure I got to the Bristol Mall took me round the south side of Birmingham and I still had Dan's birthday present in the boot of the car, so I diverted through Birmingham and stopped there for 20 minutes. Wished I'd left two hours earlier, then I could have diverted to see Craig as well. So that was 200 miles that day.

Due to altered plans for Sunday (quartet rehearsal in London that morning was cancelled), lovely Oli and Tish persuaded me to stay in their new house (it's lovely) for the night (they are marvellous and Oli makes a superb bacon sarnie for breakfast). Took a marginally more leasurely journey to the office in London than would have happened if I'd gone at the original time of 1am. Packed up my desk (my office moved during my absence), drove on down to spend two hours visiting Kathryn at Kings Hospital, and then drove on out to Bristol again. Arrived shattered at 11pm having driven another 200 miles.

Since I got back on Friday night I've played a gig in Kent (a really beautiful wedding for which we had a 3 hour rehearsal that morning in Vauxhall and then I drove them all there, played pre-wedding, played during wedding, played for a couple of hours after wedding, and drove them back as far as East Croydon), spent several hours of Sunday afternoon at the hospital again, unpacked my desk in the new office (very swish), and gone out to a client in the West End. I'm there for two weeks and today was the dullest day ever reviewing fixed asset additions and repairs and maintenance. Still, it has to be done. And of course every evening involves an hour diversion to Kings to spend a couple of hours chatting to Kathryn. Her drain comes out tomorrow and they hope she'll go back to Salisbury at the end of the week, at which point I won't be able to see her very much again, but it's all touch wood since she was meant to go back last week and then got an infection and went back to intensive care instead. She's making such wonderful progress though - I'm very impressed and pleased for her. Would expect nothing less from the girl who's brother was told he'd be paralysed and never walk again two years ago and has just got back from a motorcycling holiday abroad with friends (admittedly he has a leg brace and a catheter and may have those forever, but only needing crutches and a leg brace when you shouldn't be able to use your legs at all in good going).

Plans going forward:
I need to study, and this requires a working brain and some work as well.
1. Leave work no later than 5.30pm each day;
2. Get to bed by 10.30pm each day (obviously excluding today's write-up);
3. Have a proper dinner each day;
4. Don't take work home (a rare occurrence anyway);
5. If I've been in the office I will not access work email remotely when I get home to carry on;
6. Open a bottle of wine to have with the study and the dinner most evenings;
7. Keep calm - you're doing fine at the moment, no need to rock the boat.

Expected things in the next few days:
1. Masterclass on Thursday at which I'm singing - I'm terrified but the adrenaline will do me good.
2. Nick and Em's wedding in Essex on Saturday - not offering lifts as yet since I want to leave early Sunday morning to get back to the grind of study.
3. "Date" being set up by Amy - I may need to throttle her but I guess it could make for light relief and fun (to be set up in next few days, not to happen).
4. Go out for drink with J (maybe next week)
5. Get rid of my harrasser - currently getting permission from Emily to use her as my girlfriend. If that doesn't stop him (since I've already pointedly told him I live with my partner and am very happy with said partner) then I don't know what will - "Partner" has always carefully been left unsexed in case this happened - call me suspicious.

Security tightening and changes

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 07:49:15 GMT

I was surprised last night as I headed over to the office at 5pm after college finished to find that Angel station had changed in security levels.

Ever since the bombings the other week there have been about 4 policemen standing guard at the entrance to Angel station and there have been about 6 or 8 at East Croydon station (mostly on the concourse with a few tramping up and down the platforms). Victoria station has been very much like it always was, only these days the many many community support officers who have been there for months and months now (even two months ago I could count between 10 and 20 community support officers during the early rush hour (8am) in the main station with 4 or so in the Underground bit that I go through) have been swapped for fully-trained policemen instead.

However, yesterday I received my first surprise on the way home to find one armed policeman outside Angel station, 4 unarmed on the concourse and 4 on each platform. It seemed quite excessive. Numbers didn't seem any higher at Oxford Circus, which as a comparison therefore surprised me. And then I got to East Croydon. After wading through 16 policemen (after a certain number they do actually start to get in the way when there is a big rush of people getting off the train because the concourse is so small) I reckoned something was up.

It seems from the front page of the Metro this morning that yesterday was the highest police presence ever. It doesn't especially surprise me. It does make me feel marginally safer. Mostly because I was always happier when I was very small and there were always a couple of bobbies on the beat on Wanstead High Street who would keep an eye open for you (and similarly ask you if they thought you were lost at the age of 7). But also because it's nice to see them out. People are stopping to ask them questions and they generally appear to be fulfilling the role I always associate with police in my mind. My mother always taught me when I was small that if I was lost or had a problem I should go to a policeman and ask for help. For years recently that's been practically impossible because you can't find them. Now it appears that it is necessarily changing back a little, and I think I like it, though I can't say I like the cause for the change.

As for IRA finally saying they'll put down their weapons forever - I wait and see. It wouldn't be the first time they'd said it, but it would be good if it could be true this time. I can't stand violence, especially violence that has come out of religious disagreement, although that isn't really the case with the IRA. It doesn't bother me whether the British or the Irish own Northern Ireland. Since Ireland has joined the European Union and we are as well (sort of) we're all becoming one enormous super-state anyway so why fight over the little things. But I'm glad if they've finally decided to stop the violence.

Catching up with my tail for 5 minutes

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 19:23:04 GMT

I set out, about a month or two ago, starting to use my livejournal completely properly, much like I used to use my 5 year diary by my bed before I got to GCSE's and it all got too much to manage. I started filling in an entry on a regular basis (when I got time), quite often private, and leaving public those that had nothing too personal. I suppose that is why all comments are generally screened these days and I think the concept of any friends only entries largely went out the window since either people can know or people can't. My life is rather black and white at the moment. Then a few weeks ago it all went wrong. Now I'm considering getting a paper diary again, because I daren't put the computer on by the time I get to it.

Work
I frequently get home very late. This is partly by choice and partly because I have just started on the world's worst stretch of life. I am working out of the office until 30 August at college, secondment, and a client, and then again and again at clients and college. I am in the office a total of 2.5 weeks between now and 11 November. By then I will have sat my finals, which I cannot afford to fail.

Amidst the madness I have now given up my week off in August for the secondment to sort out a client firm's tax clients (which is complex). Still not sure about how I feel in relation to cancelling the holiday. It means I get the week off just before the final push at college, but at the same time it means I'll get no holiday from the end of Easter in March until the 19 September, which is a very long time when you're tired and it is July. However, the secondment is in Bristol and they are putting me up in a hotel for the fortnight, so it could be the change I need. It also means I won't get to France since I daren't go away to France for a week just before I start the final push.

Work are so dedicated to me, or I'm so dedicated to my clients (I suspect the latter) that I have been given remote access to my work email. This meant that this evening I came home from college early (since it is day one, the homework is light - it'll be heavier now) and spent an hour sorting out work. I don't know if I can keep this up although I made it clear that whilst at college I don't generally get home until 11pm and therefore will not be doing work emails in that period.

Bombs

I was fine on 7 July 2005 when 4 men blew themselves up, three on underground trains and one on a bus. The bombs happened in the peak rush-hour at about 8.47am or something similar. I was in work by 8am that day. I wasn't sure quite how I felt about them all but it took some time to be on top of it all. My sister called me almost as soon as they happened to check I was ok, because they were on the road and heard the news bulletin. After that things went crazy and our office fell into a black hole. I have no access to livejournal at work since it is blocked (likewise netgoth chat), so I couldn't check everyone was ok at first, trusting to good fortune; we lost all outgoing landlines, and very few landline calls could get in (it was eerily quiet); soon after the bus bomb we lost our internet connection entirely for some time since it couldn't cope with everyone checking the internet and died; we lost most of our email communication traffic both in and out though I managed to get a few in/out; mobiles were necessarily shut down by the emergency services etc. This meant that we felt like hostages. We had (mostly) no idea what was going on, any external calls that came through to us were leapt on for information, and we all sat there unable to work and hoping for our friends. Finally, mobile networks were reconnected. By about 1.30-2pm I could finally get texts out, and since I still had no other connections methodically texted all those I was worried about on the assumption that people with partners would tell me if their partners were not alright and thus assumed their partners -were- alright. Thankfully (and kindly) everyone replied bar 2 people though again I haven't had everyone's numbers since I lost my phone so I was still relying on people telling me if someone else wasn't ok. Within 10 mins of the text network being up I knew all my Uni friends were ok through a system we quickly sorted of texting someone you didn't know about with a list of everyone you knew was ok. That way it doesn't take long (or many texts to check up on 40+ people).

I've been told Alexander is ok. I hope someone would have told me if Rosie and Steve weren't.

Life structure

Why so busy? It works like this.

I've started singing a lot more. I'm doing my diploma once I've done these exams. In the meantime I have a masterclass in a month's time. This involves over an hour of practise every night. I've also got a gig coming up which my sister booked me for ages ago (and which I couldn't really turn down since it is their last holiday without child), so I'm playing my violin more again. Let alone the gig I did for my violin teacher the other week (originally I'd just been promised to go and hear them play, not play in it myself) which caused much anxious practice. So that requires over an hour of practise every night. However, I've been getting home on average at about 8.30-9pm every night and needing to be in bed (to be honest if I don't I pass out on my feet or wherever I happen to be) by 10.30pm. Do the maths. I can't do all of that -and- have dinner. So it doesn't all happen, it just happens as much as I can manage.

Then I've finally done my garden and made the dresses that needed making before I started college. So that took up the weekends that I was home. And then I've been away a lot at weekends. My parents are moving, they're still ill (in varying amounts), my sister is pregnant, and so on - it all takes a lot of planning of spending weekends at parents and days at my sister's, let alone the weekend spent in Cambridge visiting the world.

So all in all I gave up the internet. I haven't even had time to watch films. I just leave the computer down in its corner unloved. And even now with work email to check I'm not going to find time to check the internet. Because I daren't. Switch on the internet connection to explorer or something and an hour later I might be able to get away. It just means I miss everybody's news and events and they have to tell me all of them when I see them.

Of course now I'm not getting out again until November. I suppose I should apologise to people.

I've had 4 weddings that I was invited to this summer.

Two I had to turn down because the journey would have taken so long (a full weekend) and both coincided with college fortnights. It makes me feel bad because I would have liked to celebrate with them and support them (which is what matters to me), but these exams are critical and I dare not let them out of my sight for an instant. I'll have to send a wedding present in my absence for one of them which doesn't make up for it really since I wanted to be there to be supportive and all the other things I believe we really attend weddings for, and one of them would probably be furious if I sent the present which is sad because I'd like to send them a present and wish them all my love and good wishes for a happy future but I suspect it would be turned away.

The other two weddings are going to be easier to get to, one of which will involve me driving home from Cambridge overnight and stopping off in the office at about midnight enroute-home to pack my desk since the office is moving in my absence. The other is in Essex, finishes relatively early on the Saturday evening giving me a good night's sleep, and I'll be home within two hours of checking out nice and early on the Sunday morning (and will unfortunately not be drinking) so that I can get home to revise by about 10am I reckon.

I've even had to tell them all in church not to worry about the fact that they'll probably not see me now until November. I just can't afford the two hours it takes from my Sunday morning.

So it all goes horrible from here on in. As ever I have promised myself that I'm going to do my best not to get stressed, over-wraught, thin as a skeleton, quiet, hermit-like and so on. But I know I'll probably not manage it and I will end the autumn pale, a nervous shaking wreck, stressed, exhausted, and fit for nothing. The thing keeping me going is that if I want, this can be my last exam ever. Although my company want me to do my CTA tax exams after and I suppose part of me wants to do them too, but if I choose this can be the end of it all instead. I hope people will understand. I'm never sure they do though.

Further to computer problems last week

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:48:31 GMT

Have just put my computer on for 2 mins for the first time since last week. Anyhow, Tony had decided after our discussion about my dodgy email last Saturday at Dom's birthday party - and after realising I didn't have his mobile number either - that he would email his number to every email address he had for me in the hopes something would work. One is now a spam account, however three of them are active and forward to my inbox (2 cantab varieties and 1 blueyonder account). You would expect that I would get the email three times - I didn't. I got it once. I've emailed myself at all three together and only got one through, yet I've emailed each individually and got each through. This is thoroughly suggestive of the problem described to me by Rob at the same party. The possibility that blueyonder, much as they are denying it, are (like most service providers now apparently) putting in their own firewall in addition to all of mine which is therefore not under my control. Alternatively it is suggestive that one of my bits of firewall is barring things too efficiently and disliking repeated attempts to send things.

Who knows. Sometime when I shouldn't be in bed I will try to sort out the problem. Many thanks to everyone for varied advice on email programs etc to use.

Computer mess

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 16:18:43 GMT

I run Miscrosoft XP (curses) and Outlook Express v6 (double curses but it does do the job). In addition I run AVG Anti-Virus, ZoneAlarm, Spyware Blaster, Spybot search and destroy security programs.

For several months (I don't remember when it started) not all my emails have been going out (they leave me but never arrive) and not all the emails I'm sent arrive here. Sometimes this is as random as emails that I send to a group of people only arriving at half of them. It means when I send someone an email I can't be sure they'll get it and if I don't get a response I won't know if they never got mine or if I'm not getting their response. The final straw was Emily who I stayed with last night saying "well you never even replied to my email inviting you for dinner last month" and me saying "I didn't ever get any email".

And it's not specific email addresses it has a problem with because I've had other emails from people where others haven't got through. Even my mother didn't get an email from me that was very important, yet she's got other ones from me.

So. I rang blueyonder to pester them. They checked stuff briefly but said if any stuff was going through then the problem was not them, it would be my PC, and at a guess they reckon probably my firewall not letting some stuff through.

</b>So what do people propose I do</b> - short of my current technique which is to tell people that if they don't get a response within two weeks they should either phone or text me or try resending the email to me since it means I either never got it, or the reply never reached them. Which is of course a highly inefficient technique and so far means I've insulted two people by missing last minute birthday drinks because I never found out about them.

Edit: It could be my AVG email scanner? Now set to keep a month log to keep an eye on it.
Edit 2: You don't suppose this is related to the fact that for the last two weeks my computer is unable to retain my livejournal password if I tell it to remember it all the time do you?

Notes from a small island

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 18:48:12 GMT

You aren't Superwoman. It's alright. It doesn't matter. I just wish you would believe that and also believe that you can't be expected to achieve the impossible physically, mentally and emotionally at all times.

It's not the end of the world if you can't always cope with everything.

Nobody minds if you aren't horrendously exuberant and bouncy all the time.

You aren't expected to have a broad grin on your face every second of the day.

To give in or give up is not right and I know you'll never do it but that doesn't mean that sometimes you can't just adjust a bit instead - even if it is a temporary shift until you've reacclimatised yourself to everything.

Above all you should never panic. That will just make you feel worse. Just ride it out until you've adjusted and started thinking again.

Find your core, then start again.

Breathe and sing.

The weekend...

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 19:27:55 GMT

This was largely a success involving much of the following:

Heading up to Cambridge after work on Friday;
Getting a good feeling from letting two people go in front of me in the ticket queue because my train left in 15 mins and theirs left imminently;
Getting on the train at Kings Cross to find that Rachel from college was on it and had a spare seat next to her;
Gossiping solidly all the way to Cambridge;
Arriving to be met by Mark from my trio and his lovely wife Ele;
Getting a lift to theirs (how royal - I never take a car in Cambs) in their Porsche (which rocked);
Starting talking from moment of arrival in Cambridge at 6.40pm until finally agreeing with Mark that we should probably go to bed at 4.30am with no breaks;
Putting to rights many of the wrong in the world through long conversation;
Teaching the Galtrey's that coffee can be drunk extra sweet;
Having a book swapping session with them;
Learning the intricate workings of a ball-bearing clock;
Teaching Mark and Ele the secret of a good banoffee pie;
Trying Damson Jam for the first time ever whilst discussing what makes a Jam different to a Jelly;
Meeting up with first boyfriend (Dave) and his girlfriend (Ali) in The Regal for lunch and chat;
Shopping in town including buying my own copy of the Scarlet Pimpernel which I promptly lent to Mark and Ele to go with the book collection that is on loan for the next month;
Meeting up with an enormous number of Camgoths, CamRockers, and CamGeeks for a FlashMob picnic - it was superb fun and I caught up with numerous people;
Trekking across town to find myself being fed by Mark and Ele unexpectedly;
Getting in trouble for insisting on doing the washing up (I'm really no good at this "being a guest" thing);
Making myself at home whilst they were out by watching "Down With Love" for the first time in ages on their cinema system (they, like me, do not have a TV but instead have a method to watch films only);
Trekking across town again to meet up with Chris in the KSR at 10.35pm for a pint before closing time;
Buying pints all round for Chris and then for Mark and Ele who left their party just in time to get drinks in;
Directing far too many people to "Life" and not giving the metaphysical answer (though I am disturbed that I still remember the way there);
Collapsing from exhaustion;
Waking up in time to try English Muffins for the first time in my life;
Getting a lift (very extravagant) up to Gareth and Verity's at the Gallery;
Drinking tea and eating biscuits whilst catching up on two years of news;
Walking down the hill for 40 mins to meet up with KT, Deano, Oli, and Tish for lunch at the Hogshead;
Finding the Hogshead did no food so migrating to the Regal for lunch again;
Spending 3 hours discussing houses, building things, ballet, PhDs, music, gardening, and so much more;
Dumping my luggage in the Plodge and applying some make-up to look half-decent for the evening;
Meeting up with Katie, Mike, Tom (Ickle), and Rob in town for emergency Kazoo hunting - we failed it being a Sunday;
Buying a bottle of Rose each for Rob and I;
Singing for nearly 2 hours in an exuberant reunion choir rehearsal;
Singing evensong for the first time in nearly 2 years;
Blasting out such gems as "I was Glad" and "Cwm Rhonda";
Catching up with Ed and Big Tom and many others, but not as much as I would like;
Attending formal hall, loving the food, and somehow being made to down every single glass of my bottle of wine over the course of the evening;
Getting very drunk and finding Dom Savage on the other side of hall with Bernie;
Getting their numbers whilst catching up with them and sitting on Dom's lap (poor boy);
Traipsing over to West Lodge to catch up with more choir people;
Bumping into Bruce the old Chaplain and chatting to him for a while;
Being held up by Pierre whilst we discussed the merits of our various sexualities and such other gems;
Getting a text from Kev to say he was definitely in Cambridge and would pick me up from the Plodge at 10.15pm;
Making it to the Plodge for 10.15pmish, having set my alarm for 10.10pm and having Pierre assist me in crossing the horrid gravel;
Being put into Kev's car and explaining the entire evening to him with far too much laughing;
Feeling really sick just after we left Cambs and having him pull into a pub so that I could first use the loo, then be really sick (but very neatly);
Being driven home whilst first being sick a lot (bless Kev for stopping the car numerous times at little notice, fortunately I think I was asleep for the motorway bits);
Wailing a lot when I realised this wasn't just drunken pain I was feeling;
Being put to bed by Kev who kindly ensured I was in the Recovery position once asleep;
Waking up when the alarm went at 6am to find I could not stand and felt violently awful - for someone who doesn't get hangovers this is quite odd;
Setting alarm for 9am to phone in sick on realising I couldn't walk to the bathroom without feeling ill;
Phoning in to tell them I was taking my first sick day in two years;
Waking at 1pm and managing to stand for 10 mins - long enough to heat some soup and defrost some bread;
Taking two hours to eat it in between sleeping;
Waking at 5.30pm to phone Kev and tell him I felt awful still and ask advice;
Having pizza bought for me at 7.30pm and managing to hold it down with relative success (although I felt sick for 2 hours afterwards);
Sleeping again until 6am;
Sleeping for approximately 25 hours out of 31.5 hours;
Getting back ache from sleeping in the Recovery position (this being the only comfortable position bizarrely enough) for about 23 of the 25 hours;
Going to work feeling like a bus had driven over me three times;
Feeling very bad that it had happened but agreeing with sister that it was unlikely to be all related to the alcohol.

Observations

Kev is convinced I had alcohol poisoning, I am convinced it was something related to the food as much as to the alcohol since I only had one bottle of wine, lots of other people felt rough yesterday who were at formal (though we'll never be sure if it was alcohol or something else), and because I know I can hold my alcohol a bit better than that (I've downed half a bottle only a couple of months ago and it did nothing to me - not even a hangover);

The only people I truly feel safe drinking with are the Cambridge people because they will (a) take the mick out of me in a nice way for being drunk and then forget it; (b) will always make sure I am safe (e.g. Pierre's behaviour) because we've all looked out for each other at some point and we'd never dream of abandoning each other to get home;

Mark and Ele almost persuaded me to move back to Cambridge with the compelling arguments that I have never been happier, safer, or more with friends than I am socialising in Cambs and because my commute from there would actually be faster than it is from Croydon (even if it would be about 600ukp a year more expensive).

Saturday

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 14:19:03 GMT

As always - a superb day. "As always" because I had my monthly singing lesson. I've arranged with Penny that I will only have them once a month, partly because it takes me at least 2 weeks, if not more, to get round to what I would consider a reasonable amount of practise for what I used to do in a single week (bearing in mind that before I left for Uni - and even whilst at Uni when I had a concerto or recital coming up, I'd be getting through my day in the form of an hour and a half of violin practice at least, an hour of piano practice, and once at Uni and taking singing lessons instead of just being part of choir at music college every Saturday whilst at school, an hour of singing practice when I was sure all house-mates were out. Considering I was always conscientious enough to ensure all homework was done promptly, completely, and perfectly it's not really any wonder that I never had a childhood as other people think of them).

So I headed down for Hove and an hour of blissful gossiping (Penny really is a dreadful gossip, I reckon that out of the 40pounds I pay her, ten pounds goes to talking if you divided it evenly across the hour) and singing out to the point where we reckoned I might have got her son out of bed on the fourth floor - although knowing how well I sleep through Mum's piano pupils when I'm home, he's probably acclimatised. There is such a heavenly release in singing and in fact in all music. I've been so much more centred since I started taking more care to ensure that I do my singing and violin practice, getting gigs, being a dep for Rachel, and doing ballet again. The real me is the domesticated one. The one who cooks, cleans, gardens, washes, irons, and all those other things. And the real me is also the one who lives by music and serenity. I've just been so happy since I sorted it all out again. Everyone seems to have noticed the change.

Penny suggested that I do my diploma. I'm not certain I'm able to devote enough time to it, especially at the moment since I know that the closer I get to exams in November, the less time I'm likely to spend practising. Anyway. We came to an agreement that I'd learn the repertoire, and then we'd talk again. Thing is, she's shown me the music now. There are some gems on the diploma syllabus at the moment that are really well suited to my voice at the moment. An Aria from the Bach Magnificat in D, some super Barber (I adore Barber songs) and some highly complex Italian thing (made more complex since I don't speak Italian).

Anyway. I was going to go to neenaw and muftak's party in Walthamstow afterwards, and it turned out that Kev and Vicky were going as well and coincidence had it that Kev was helping Vicky move house to Hove that day, so I loitered in Hove, wandering about and learning my way about and generally spending time finding suitable places to go and sit until they arrived. Then I went and helped carry the last few loads up the stairs to Vicky's new flat and had a spot of lunch with them and her housemate (the name is forgotten. Kev, can you help here?) before going up to Walthamstow with Vicky using the Kev taxi-service. Very kind of him - especially since he needn't have driven me.

The party was excellent. I had a superb time although some of the cocktails that Aden mixed for me were lethal and smelt toxic! Met lots of new people, including a lovely guy called Dan, caught up with Scott who I haven't seen for months, saw various other people I haven't seen for months, and managed to have a talk to almost everyone who I saw last weekend but didn't get a chance to talk to over lunch. Unfortunately I failed to get drunk, even though that had been requested by Suzi. The problem is that I just don't enjoy alcohol anymore. I don't get the pleasure out of it that I used to get from it before my enforced tea-totalness that ensued for two years at University. However, I had enough to overcome shyness and I had enough to feel the head spin slightly.

So, a pleasant night for all. I slept for large amounts of the journey home which meant that everytime I woke up I was utterly confused about exactly where we had got to or where we were trying to get to, so I should go and apologise to Kev (and indirectly to Vicky) for periodically piping up from the back seat with my opinion on what direction and turning we should be taking when most of the time it was utterly wrong.